About Compare Log Watch Discuss Contact
About Compare Log Watch Discuss Contact
Hi
I'm Immanuel Morales, artist and programmer. I was born and raised in Philadelphia, PA. with three siblings, mostly educated at Chalutzim Academy and Cornerstone Highschool—neither of which exist today. I attended University of the Arts to study Animation and Film. I worked as a motion graphics designer and visual effects artist from 2007 to 2013 mostly contracting for films, tv shows, and ads. From 2013 to 2021 I continued that work at NBCUniversal on Saturday Night Live and Late Night with Seth Meyers. During my time there, I became acquainted with the IT teams and became increasingly fascinated with Unix, Networking, Cybersecurity, and Software Development. In 2021, I began a new career as a programmer for various companies as a contractor. I am still doing that today.

By July 2024, Connected Minds NYC gave me a neuropsychiatric assessment. I expected to be diagnosed with ADHD but I was found to have only "subclinical" attention deficiencies. I was however diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. This was a major surprise and a fascinating new interest.

I nearly 2026, I had begun to suspect that the symptoms of my autism were downstream of my relatively slow processing speed. I did not have to research long to find a 2023 paper about the effects of Methylphenidate on Autistics. Albeit meta-analysis, it provided just enough confirmation for me to take the next steps. I promptly contacted the author of my neuropsychiatric assessment report and after a few referrals had a session with a psychiatrist that saw fit to prescribe me Methylphenidate for the attention deficiencies in my report.

This website chronicles the journey, exploration, and experiments that followed.
The below visual comparisons are not exaggerated nor literal. They are my perceived differences of the world both on and off of Ritalin. Because Ritalin allows me to be indistinguishable from a neurotypical and because it allows me to intuit their perspective, this may be a valuable approximation for simply comparing the experience of a neurotypical to an autist. That is essentially how I see it.
Detail and Information
On Ritalin Natural state
On ritalin, detail is minimal and simplified but pertinent. Without, there is profoundly more detail, most of which is insightful but not critical to understanding.
Sensory Intensity
On Ritalin Natural state
On Ritalin, experiences feel mild even when a lot is happening. Otherwise, ordinary events feel action packed and heightened situations become overwhelming.
Interpersonal and Communication
On Ritalin Natural state
On Ritalin, social interaction become more ordinary and obvious. Of Note: There is no perceived internal calculus. Answers just pop into the mind immediately. Without, it becomes an enigmatic abstraction of details that must be solved like a puzzle to understand.
Decisions and Consequences
On Ritalin Natural state
On Ritalin, normal decisions seem simple and obvious with no serious consequences. Major decisions seem approachable. Without it, even basic decisions exist along a complex branching system of events with multiple dimensions of circumstance which all reverberate meaningfully throughout life and the world.
Task Switching
On Ritalin Natural state
On Ritalin, switching a task removes previous information at no cost. It is enjoyable and fun. Without it, switching is complex and costly. All "passengers" must change plans and expectations, fuel is squandered, effort is required, and a proper landing may not even be possible.
 
4/30, 1.5mg at 3:15pm
This video documents a first experience with Methylphenidate. I begin work on an Electron app written with "vanilla" Javascript. I took the 1.5mg dose just a few minutes before the video begins. Between 7-9 minutes into the recording, there is a significant drop in vocal tone and volume. At that point, I felt a bit more relaxed, but could not distinguish this from placebo. 18 minutes in I encouter a Windows bug that prevents me from pasting text normally, I would normally have had to check the reference more often, for longer each time, and been more frustrated and distracted. Instead, I felt no frustration and the task was easy and enjoyable. At 19:10, I am confronted with an even more boring task: waiting for a build to complete. There is literally nothing to do here but wait for it to finish and it doesn't show much meaningful progress. At this point in the video I start to understand the drug's effects and I mention that I normally would get distracted -- hence the alarm I begin setting. Indeed I typically get sucked into another activity and can lose hours of time that way. At 20 minutes it suddenly becomes apparent just how quiet my senses have become. This effect was very significant and new. The thought that kept running through my mind was, "It's too good to be true. It's about to get bad." I was nervous about this until I came down. The video ends with me breaking to eat, as per the instructions that came with the medicine. In the first ten minutes, there is a lot of visually redacted information to respect the privacy of others who are not part of this research.
00:07:00 Observable energy change
00:18:00 Problem no longer frustrating
00:19:10 Realizing I can sit through boring tasks
00:20:00 Confused and nervous about calmness
 
Below is a mixture of conjectures and established theories serving as a general consensus between me and the practitioners with whom I have consulted for this research about what the effects are, what is being experienced, and how it works.
 
Conscientiousness
The feeling of productivity
Process
Memorization
Jealousy of oneself
Imaginary games
Temperament
How established is the science?
More anecdotes
Constructive confrontation
A cluttered desk
Brain entrainment
New perspective
Intoxicating sobriety
 
Thu, 4/30 - 1.5mg @ 3:15pm - Experience ("baseline" experience) - Overall experience was calm, quiet, simple, and relaxing. - Profound enhancements to sound, texture, interpersonal, anxiety, task switching, and pragmatic language - Work easier and more pleasant - Increased apathy and confidence - Effortless indoor voice - Faces no longer overwhelming (easy/automatic prolonged eye contact) - Can wait patiently for boring things - No desire to stay up late - Performance ("baseline" performance) - Can concisely summarize fluently - Working memory improved - Decreased effort - Task motivation unchanged - Reliable bed time - Reading with fewer repeats and pauses - What I did - Worked from home on programming tasks - Worked for just a few hours at a time before breaking for lunch or a nap. - Stood outside on Bushwick Ave. & Troutman St. as if it was a country house porch. - Walked Lori from the Myrtle Ave. & Broadway train station (loudest and most chaotic location possible)
Fri, 5/1 - 2mg @ 9am - Experience - Felt only mildly productive. - Did not mind lack of productivity. - What I did - Same work as before but took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day - Delivered my software updates to client - Very surprised at how much had gotten done (much more than usual) - Felt like I was doing less work, not more - Evening argument with spouse
Sat, 5/2 - 3mg @ 9am - Experience - Felt "used to" the drug - What I did - Took subway to Brooklyn Alamo Drafthouse - Saw 12:45pm showing of Mother Mary - Traipsed around before taking subway home.
Sun, 5/3 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience ("Heavy") - Like a hot, wet towel draped over me - What I did - Took a Lyft to Park Slope Commmunity Church at 9:15am (first time ever) - Had coffee and bagels with church members at 10:15am - Met new people - Memorized names effortlessly - Attended service (11:30am-11:45am) - Socialized after service with couple sitting next to us - Attended special program after service for newbies - Met people, socialized more - Walked to lunch - Difficulty finding lunch creating a minor conflict
Mon, 5/4 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Temporary Hot Head and slight tunnel vision after 45 minutes - What I did - Morning argument with spouse - Worked from home and at co-work space - Missed meal deadline, restaurant delay - Did laundry, rugs
Tue, 5/5 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline, Heavy - What I did - Worked from home and at co-work space - Determined root of both arguments and resolved it
Wed, 5/6 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline - No longer felt "Heavy" - What I did - Worked from home and at co-work space
Thu, 5/7 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline but weakened - World became a bit more "noisy" - A bit agitated - A bit more long-winded - Speaking voice increased - Began pacing again - What I did - Worked from home
Fri, 5/8 - No Ritalin - Experience - Gradually returned to normal - By EOD, stopped making eye contact and generally was back to normal. - What I did - Worked from home
Sat, 5/9 - No Ritalin - Experience - Typical autistic self - What I did - Stayed home with spouse
Sun, 5/10 - 2.5mg @ 12pm - Experience - Baseline - Cold symptoms more manageable - What I did - Stayed home alone (Spouse with parents for Mother's Day) - Deliberately watched a Glass Onion movie (normally boring) - Not more interesting, but much more pleasant - Binge watched Resident Alien
Mon, 5/11 - 2.5mg @ 12pm - Experience - Baseline - What I did - Worked from home - Did laundry, rugs - Very mild conflict with spouse
Tue, 5/12 - 5mg @ 12:30pm - Experience - Baseline - Cold symptoms lingered - What I did - Worked from home - Two sessions with psychologists about Ritalin research. - Home alone most of the day - Shared research with older sister. - Lost my voice from talking on the phone and having a cold at the same time.
Wed, 5/13 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline - Cold symptoms improved - Drug effects seem to have ended by evening - Reached an extreme hyperfocused flow state in under a minute. - Virtually impervious to interruption; flow state and hyperfocus resumed in under a minute. - Not blinking for minutes at a time. - Felt robotic. - What I did - Worked from home in bedroom with door closed while listening to left brain stimulating entrainment audio on noise-cancelling headphones. - Chores: Washed covers for couch cushions and pillows and put away groceries.
Thu, 5/14 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline - Only congestion remains from cold symptoms with no noticeable impact by the drug. - Felt very sleepy in the middle of the day. - What I did - Worked from home in living room with brain entrainment again. - Finished a major project milestone with project - Fell asleep for roughly 5 hours in the middle of the day
Fri, 5/15 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline, Heavy - Very mild congestion remains, no noticeable impact by the drug. - What I did - Worked for just a few hours from home in living room with brain entrainment. - 2 hour call with teammate to review project
Thu, 4/30 - 1.5mg @ 3:15pm - Experience ("baseline" experience) - Overall experience was calm, quiet, simple, and relaxing. - Profound enhancements to sound, texture, interpersonal, anxiety, task switching, and pragmatic language - Work easier and more pleasant - Increased apathy and confidence - Effortless indoor voice - Faces no longer overwhelming (easy/automatic prolonged eye contact) - Can wait patiently for boring things - No desire to stay up late - Performance ("baseline" performance) - Can concisely summarize fluently - Working memory improved - Decreased effort - Task motivation unchanged - Reliable bed time - Reading with fewer repeats and pauses - What I did - Worked from home on programming tasks - Worked for just a few hours at a time before breaking for lunch or a nap. - Stood outside on Bushwick Ave. & Troutman St. as if it was a country house porch. - Walked Lori from the Myrtle Ave. & Broadway train station (loudest and most chaotic location possible)
Fri, 5/1 - 2mg @ 9am - Experience - Felt only mildly productive. - Did not mind lack of productivity. - What I did - Same work as before but took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day - Delivered my software updates to client - Very surprised at how much had gotten done (much more than usual) - Felt like I was doing less work, not more - Evening argument with spouse
Sat, 5/2 - 3mg @ 9am - Experience - Felt "used to" the drug - What I did - Took subway to Brooklyn Alamo Drafthouse - Saw 12:45pm showing of Mother Mary - Traipsed around before taking subway home.
Sun, 5/3 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience ("Heavy") - Like a hot, wet towel draped over me - What I did - Took a Lyft to Park Slope Commmunity Church at 9:15am (first time ever) - Had coffee and bagels with church members at 10:15am - Met new people - Memorized names effortlessly - Attended service (11:30am-11:45am) - Socialized after service with couple sitting next to us - Attended special program after service for newbies - Met people, socialized more - Walked to lunch - Difficulty finding lunch creating a minor conflict
Mon, 5/4 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Temporary Hot Head and slight tunnel vision after 45 minutes - What I did - Morning argument with spouse - Worked from home and at co-work space - Missed meal deadline, restaurant delay - Did laundry, rugs
Tue, 5/5 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline, Heavy - What I did - Worked from home and at co-work space - Determined root of both arguments and resolved it
Wed, 5/6 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline - No longer felt "Heavy" - What I did - Worked from home and at co-work space
Thu, 5/7 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline but weakened - World became a bit more "noisy" - A bit agitated - A bit more long-winded - Speaking voice increased - Began pacing again - What I did - Worked from home
Fri, 5/8 - No Ritalin - Experience - Gradually returned to normal - By EOD, stopped making eye contact and generally was back to normal. - What I did - Worked from home
Sat, 5/9 - No Ritalin - Experience - Typical autistic self - What I did - Stayed home with spouse
Sun, 5/10 - 2.5mg @ 12pm - Experience - Baseline - Cold symptoms more manageable - What I did - Stayed home alone (Spouse with parents for Mother's Day) - Deliberately watched a Glass Onion movie (normally boring) - Not more interesting, but much more pleasant - Binge watched Resident Alien
Mon, 5/11 - 2.5mg @ 12pm - Experience - Baseline - What I did - Worked from home - Did laundry, rugs - Very mild conflict with spouse
Tue, 5/12 - 5mg @ 12:30pm - Experience - Baseline - Cold symptoms lingered - What I did - Worked from home - Two sessions with psychologists about Ritalin research. - Home alone most of the day - Shared research with older sister. - Lost my voice from talking on the phone and having a cold at the same time.
Wed, 5/13 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline - Cold symptoms improved - Drug effects seem to have ended by evening - Reached an extreme hyperfocused flow state in under a minute. - Virtually impervious to interruption; flow state and hyperfocus resumed in under a minute. - Not blinking for minutes at a time. - Felt robotic. - What I did - Worked from home in bedroom with door closed while listening to left brain stimulating entrainment audio on noise-cancelling headphones. - Chores: Washed covers for couch cushions and pillows and put away groceries.
Thu, 5/14 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline - Only congestion remains from cold symptoms with no noticeable impact by the drug. - Felt very sleepy in the middle of the day. - What I did - Worked from home in living room with brain entrainment again. - Finished a major project milestone with project - Fell asleep for roughly 5 hours in the middle of the day
Fri, 5/15 - 5mg @ 9am - Experience - Baseline, Heavy - Very mild congestion remains, no noticeable impact by the drug. - What I did - Worked for just a few hours from home in living room with brain entrainment. - 2 hour call with teammate to review project
 
Contact
If you'd like to share your experiences, collaborate, or have any questions about anything you've read on this website, please contact me at heyotetsuo@gmail.com. I'm interested to hear your story.